Over It – Skaters, Drugs and Alcohol
Photo: Templeton
Photo: McGuire
How did you become a user of drugs and/or alcohol?
Just being a kid in Florida. Looking for things that were different. Ways to get attention and fit in. The people I looked up to and my role models were into drugs and alcohol.
When did you realize you had a problem?
When I was going to therapy because I thought I was just crazy and finally the therapist told me I had a problem. It was like six months after I started seeing her I came in with probably my third black eye from falling down drunk. She told me I had a problem. It was like a lightbulb going off. Like a moment of clarity. I had been waiting for someone to tell me that for so long but no one ever did.
How bad did it get? What was the breaking point that made you decide it was time to stop/get help?
I mean, for the outside world my situation probably didn’t look that bad, but for me it was terrible. I felt so lonely even with a million friends around me at all times. I was completely miserable. Just very dark and alone with what felt like no way out at the time.
Elissa grabs some freedom, blasting kickflip from Gizmo Photo: Flynn
How did you get sober?
I went to a place where everyone was suffering from the same situation at one time and had gotten better. I asked for help.
What are the challenges of staying sober?
None. It’s challenging to live happy and free of self pity at times, but not drinking and doing drugs just happened as a result of doing the work it takes to stop.
What are the rewards of staying sober?
Freedom and joy. The ability to change perspective and live in reality. A real feeling of gratitude not just saying I’m grateful. Knowledge that most of my misery was/is of my own making. Helping others.
What advice would you give to someone who wants to quit?
Hit me up.
Photo: Burnett
How did you become a user of drugs and/or alcohol?
What started as recreational use became excessive and self medicating, which I believed was normal behavior at that time.
When did you realize you had a problem?
Realizing I had a problem was difficult because there were different times in my life, using different substances, at different levels. I also used certain life achievements to validate my behavior.
How bad did it get? What was the breaking point that made you decide it was time to stop/get help?
Feeling extreme hopelessness and hurting the people closest to me was my bottom. Today I don’t view my past as a problem but as something I gained extreme personal growth from.
Handling an overcrooks, with a little help from his friends Photo: Flynn
How did you get sober?
I was unsuccessful getting sober on my own. I had close friends around me who intervened and helped get me into a treatment center where I was introduced to the program.
What are the challenges of staying sober?
Without the self work, I can still suffer from the same psychological mind and behavior, while being sober. For most addicts this is a life-threatening disease that needs continuous treatment.
What are the rewards of staying sober?
Being there for the people going through it.
What advice would you give to someone who wants to quit?
Get honest with your feelings and friends. Skateboarding brings together some of the heaviest partiers and sober people on the same teams, vans, trips, etc., not pushing either of their programs or taking inventory, but they are there for each other in a heartbeat. We have a big recovery community and bond. If you speak up around here you’ll get pointed in the right direction. Skateboarders have some of the biggest hearts.
Photo: Atiba
How did you become a user of drugs and/or alcohol?
Same as most young people probably, started smoking weed and having a few beers, got really drunk at some parties.
When did you realize you had a problem?
Pretty early on, maybe by age 19. I knew when I drank that shit might get out of control; blacking out and doing things I never would have done sober. Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde!
How bad did it get? What was the breaking point that made you decide it was time to stop/get help?
I stopped at 24. I’d say the last three-to-four years I started doing harder drugs, and the drinking got worse. I was driving drunk a lot, weed 24/7, getting in more trouble, a few nights in jail here and there, did some serious time (two days). It was really just all so out of my control. I would tell myself I was gonna have one beer with my friends and truly believe it, then three days later I would be suffering, wondering how did this happen again, every time. It sucked. Some of my really close friends had gotten sober and I came home after a little bender and they said, “You need help.” I knew I did. I had been trying to stop on my own for years, I just couldn’t do it. So I listened to them and did what they were doing to stop.
Drink water, hug your kids, bust nose slide pop overs Photo: Atiba
How did you get sober?
I started taking advice and listening to people who had some time sober, taking direction, realizing I only needed to stay sober one day at a time.
What are the challenges of staying sober?
This is the best choice I’ve ever made in my life! Any challenges that come up in life are going to come up with or without drinking and drugs, so I’d say the challenge is facing hard situations sober and dealing with things in a better way. Staying sober becomes easy after some time.
What are the rewards of staying sober?
For me, everything, I wouldn’t have this life—with the relationships, career, Baker, all of it. I wouldn’t be doing this interview. I’d probably be dead. And I’ve came across many people who have been able to stop because they heard I struggled with it too. That’s amazing.
What advice would you give to someone who wants to quit?
You are never too young or old to stop. You can not do it alone. Be honest with someone and don’t isolate. Sometimes it seems impossible, but it gets easier!
Photo: Shirley
How did you become a user of drugs and/or alcohol?
I didn’t drink or use drugs until I was post heart surgery at 18. In Finland that’s old to start drinking. It all started casually.
When did you realize you had a problem?
I think I was around 25? It was the moment where getting high took priority over everything else and I knew I had a problem. There was a moment where it became more important than anything else and then I fell deeper and deeper into it. The partying at some point turned into coping and masking the pain. It wasn’t really about having fun.
How bad did it get? What was the breaking point that made you decide it was time to stop/get help?
Ohhhh… It got bad. I was going to lose everything—my family, my friends, my contracts. I had screwed up all my finances. It was all coming to an end for me. The last one that brought me to my knees was a five-month bender. The drugs stopped working and I was so over being sick. The chemicals weren’t working anymore, trying to go up or go down, get evened out. One day we were sitting by the bowl. I got an invite to a party and I just said no and I think the next morning I started calling for help. It’s kind of a blur.
How did you get sober?
Eventually I got myself to a meeting and with the help of friends and family and AA.
Arto and Ragnar in rock ‘n’ roll paradise Photo: Shirley
What are the challenges of staying sober?
Every day is a challenge. This disease is real. We call it “stinking thinking” in the program and it’s a personality disorder. A lot of it comes down to self love and addicts and skateboarders alike don’t have much of that. And it is a progressive disease. You really have to watch it when shit goes haywire. It creeps up on you. The thoughts get dark.
What are the rewards of staying sober?
Well, I got my family back. It took some time and convincing, but Ella and Mimi came home after a year of sobriety. I got back to skating and shooting photos. I focused more on photography than ever and people could actually count on me again. It sucks when people write you off, but people also don’t know what to do with addicts. Mimi, who had stood by my side through some bad times, eventually married me and we had a beautiful baby boy named Ragnar. We moved to Hawaii to raise the kids; somewhere filled with surfing and skating and clean oceans. I get to drink a lot of coffee now and I eat way more ice cream than I need to and I found new passions and interests. It was really hard to retain any new information when you’re brain is cooked. I took up surfing at the ripe age of 35 I could never have done that if I was high or using.
What advice would you give to someone who wants to quit?
As cliché as it sounds it starts with “one day at a time.” Sometimes it’s one minute at a time, one second at a time. The only power you have is over this moment right here, right now. The most important thing you can do is to ask for help. Then try and surround yourself with people that aren’t gonna hand you a beer and a joint and get out of your normal routine for awhile. You could call a stranger that is sober and ask for help and they will help you. If you have an inkling of a feeling that you should quit, then you should quit. There are no mistakes in getting sober. It’s different for everyone, no perfect approach, the important thing is just to try and give yourself that break from whatever monkey is on your back. I’m celebrating my seventh year sober this June. I couldn’t have stayed alive doing what I was doing, so this works better for me.
Photo: Atiba
By Lui Elliot
Why don’t you smoke or drink?
It’s pointless. You get nothing out of it besides a feeling. I get feelings from living my life. I don’t need drugs or drinks to feel a certain type of way. I’m just high on life.
Was there anything in your life that made you want to avoid it?
I always heard it was bad. I never wanted to do it. There was never a reason for it. I feel like I was put on this Earth to do certain things, to make a way for my family. All I know is that it would be a distraction to what I’m trying to achieve. It would hold me back, almost as if I were taking two steps forward and five steps in reverse.
Always impressive, even when he’s not trying. TJ is on his own path Photo: Atiba
Have you ever been tempted to experiment?
Never.
What’s it like to be around wasted people? Does it bother you?
It don’t bother me, they can choose what they want to do. I don’t have a say so. I don’t like it in my head but I don’t say anything. I let people live their life the way they want to live it.
Have you seen it change people around you at all?
Hell yeah. I’ve seen people start drinking and completely fall off compared to when they weren’t. This isn’t just drinking or smoking, it’s whatever, drugs period. They get on that and they start fucking up.
What advice would you give to younger skaters feeling pressure to drink and/or smoke?
Be yourself. Don’t let nobody pressure you. At the end of the day, you die alone. Why are you trying to impress somebody else?
Photo: Atiba
How did you become a user of drugs and/or alcohol?
I started drinking when I was 17 or 18. I remember feeling like I was such a late bloomer with that stuff. I started drinking some beers in Europe on a skate trip. Real mellow at first. But once I realized that drinking seemed to alleviate the social anxiety that I always had, I fucking floored it.
When did you realize you had a problem?
At a certain point I realized that I preferred to be (at least a little bit) fucked up to do anything. So I was kind of drinking all of the time. That seemed like a red flag. But I surrounded myself with people doing the same stuff, so it was kind of sustainable. It wasn’t until a few of my best friends sat me down and expressed to me their genuine concern about the direction my life was going that I fully realized how bad it had become.
How bad did it get? What was the breaking point that made you decide it was time to stop/get help?
I was blacking out all the time. Months would fly by in a haze. I got set on fire. My skateboarding career was really fizzling out, but I didn’t care to fight for it because I felt like shit, physically. I couldn’t recover from injuries. I thought I was having fun, but it was pretty much the same day over and over. It’s a difficult sentiment to convey, but basically I felt like I had stopped progressing as a person. That was probably the worst part. Wasting time. After my friends sat me down for that informal intervention I saw shit differently and I knew deep down that the party was over.
Burn or get burnt. Spanky’s comeback has been epic to watch Photo: Atiba
How did you get sober?
I started by just trying to be clean for a little bit. But quickly and luckily I felt like it was the right thing for me. I connected with friends who had been through the same thing. I skated a lot. I got obsessed with feeling good physically. I ended some toxic relationships. I went to therapy to address some of the shit I couldn’t figure out by myself. Most importantly, I was just honest with myself.
What are the challenges of staying sober?
In the beginning I felt emotionally raw. You lose some of that artificial armor. You gotta deal with everything life has to offer. Build real armor. Also, I was very afraid of becoming boring. But I guess becoming an old, uninspired alcoholic is really boring.
What are the rewards of staying sober?
Time. Life is fucking short and I no longer feel like I’m squandering my precious time here. I get to enjoy the good shit in life fully, instead of through the self-medicated haze I was in. Also skateboarding is more fun than it’s ever been. Nothing beats that.
What advice would you give to someone who wants to quit?
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. People everywhere are struggling or have struggled. Skate a lot or do something physical. It takes a lot of time and energy to be a pile, so you’re left with a lot. Use it wisely. 
Photo: Strand
How did you become a user of drugs and/or alcohol?
The first memory I have of drugs and alcohol is from my early youth, around third or fourth grade when I saw some older kids drinking and smoking weed. I devised a plan with my friend to steal a bottle of vodka from his parents and another kid had stolen some weed from his parents. We all met up and got wasted. I was on a mission to continue the party from there on out for a long time. I think that partying has always been glorified in movies and media, so that had an impact. I was especially influenced by older “cool” kids too.
When did you realize you had a problem?
That was a tricky thing for me to figure out, as I somehow always seemed to keep going while I was partying. Although I have heavily experimented with all types of drugs in my lifetime, I was fortunate enough to mainly only drink alcohol and smoke weed, so for many years I always thought I had them in control. I would take breaks here and there, but eventually I would always find myself back in hardcore party mode. As I got older the effects of partying started to weigh me down. I couldn’t skate like I once did and the hangovers became worse and worse. I started to find myself at a crossroads in life and was uncertain what my future held, so I turned to drinking to try and forget some of the reality I was faced with. This only made things worse though and eventually I drank myself into the darkest state of being I was ever in. I became something I knew I wasn’t and felt like I was in so deep that there was no turning back, so I decided I would try and just party until I died. One night in particular I really went for it and completely blacked out. I woke up the next day with the worst hangover and realized I was still alive. That’s the day where I started to think I really needed to stop.
2001 Photo: Burnett
How bad did it get? What was the breaking point that made you decide it was time to stop/get help?
My partying definitely had a snowball effect, it just slowly but surely became out of control. Like I said, I had a night where I basically tried to kill myself without putting a gun to my head. I just tried to consume an inhuman amount of alcohol and drugs to do the job, but somehow I survived and started to think it was for a reason, but continued to still party for a few more months. During that time I hurt my back while drinking, made a fool of myself on several occasions and got arrested. Blacking out became a common activity. I woke up the day after getting arrested and was in jail still. I didn’t even remember getting arrested. I didn’t even know I was in jail when I first woke up. At that moment I told myself that the party was over, for good.
How did you get sober?
I just quit right then and right there, cold turkey as they say. I was done. I just thought to myself, If I died that night would people remember me as this old pro skater who just became a drunk and killed himself, and not remember all the positive things that I was proud of myself for? I didn’t want to be remembered as something that I knew I wasn’t. I wanted to use this mind and body from here on out and not abuse them any longer than I already had. As for most things in my life, if I wanted this done right, I had to make the decision to do it myself.
What are the challenges of staying sober?
The only challenges of staying sober for me came at first, the first few months, it was the challenge of breaking a routine that I had been on for most of my life. I had to separate myself from a social circle where partying all night long was normal. I had to stop and really look at myself as the person I truly was and not the party animal that I had become along the way, becoming at one with myself away from the skateboarding spotlight, without a cool group of people to surround myself with, I had to take a deep look within, which can be a very difficult thing to do. After I broke free though, nothing feels challenging—everything feels possible. When I see people drinking, I just think of how much of an idiot I become when I drink and how bad the hangover is. Those two thoughts alone give me continued strength.
Blunt slide in living color, a lifetime away from the Muskalade days Photo: Strand
What are the rewards of staying sober?
I could go on and on about this! Some of the main things are just the feeling of clarity I live with now. It’s far more of a high than drugs or alcohol could every compare with; the feeling of being in control at all times and not dependent upon an unnecessary factor in my life. I feel so much more healthy and have become more conscious of what food I eat, the energy I surround myself with and the energy I put out into this world. I feel that I have tapped into my mind in a way that I had never done before while partying. I can accept full responsibility in my life and my actions. I have no nights that I am embarrassed about and no behavior that I do not remember. I am alive and grateful for every second of it!
What advice would you give to someone who wants to quit?
I think that addiction is very different for every single person. Not everyone’s able to just quit without serious help from friends, family, therapy, AA and many other techniques that exist. The first and most important part of the journey really does start with you, though. You have to make the decision that you really want it and are willing to make the changes you need to make in order to be successful. I think that even if you are getting help from others, if you do not make the decision yourself, then you will be weak when your support system is not around. If you really want to be sober, then you will be sober, you just can’t take the easy route. You must remember that more than likely you have spent many years conditioning your body to the drugs and alcohol. You have become dependent on them. It will not be easy, but you can do it. I believe in you! I am no therapist or doctor, so I wouldn’t use the words as professional advice, but hopefully they can help inspire others to get clean too. Don’t be afraid to ask for help; don’t be afraid to take that first step. I can say from experience that it will be the best step of your new life!
Photo: Burnett
How did you become a user of drugs and/or alcohol?
Really hard to answer, but the first time I got drunk I puked and felt really ill and thought it was really shitty. Didn’t do it again for a while but then gradually started drinking and doing more and more drugs.
When did you realize you had a problem?
When me, Punker Matt and Aaron Pearcy came up with “the Piss Drunx” around 1997.
How bad did it get? What was the breaking point that made you decide it was time to stop/get help?
After I drove myself to the emergency psychiatric hospital. That was 2013. 
Blouse-blasting Japan, 2008 Photo: Burnett
How did you get sober?
I met up with Monica Nilssen—my friend Robin “Boon’s” mother. After she found out I had driven myself to the psychiatric hospital, she suggested to me that I should go to this address at 6:30. Turns out it was a 12-step meeting. It was the 25th of July 2013. I kept going there and keep going there and I’ve been sober ever since. I think someone at the meeting said to go there as much and as often as I used to use.
What are the challenges of staying sober?
The first few months was a challenge or more than just a challenge, it was actually a fucking struggle, painful struggle. But it’s not so much of a challenge anymore. I was so used to using so it felt very unusual to not drink or do drugs. Now that I have not done it for this long it feels more “normal” to be sober.
What are the rewards of staying sober?
There are so many, but the best one is probably the reward of not being a prisoner in my own destructive obsession. 
What advice would you give to someone who wants to quit?
Don’t hesitate, don’t wait for it to get worse. Because it will always get worse. Even when you think it can’t get any worse, it will.
Photo: Burnett
How did you become a user of drugs and/or alcohol?
You maybe like the high, the influences, the mental hallucinogenics, the functions.
When did you realize you had a problem?
Getting arrested. Violent ignorance.
How bad did it get? What was the breaking point that made you decide it was time to stop/get help?
Prison. No skateboarding, no friends, no sex. It sucked.
How did you get sober?
I talked to a friend and he expressed the dangers of getting high and the effects of it. He told me my skateboarding is much more important that being an addict. So I thought about it and said, Fuck it. I’m going to stay away and stay clean and sober and practice my sobriety and pray to God to help me. It’s been 11 years this Christmas and skateboarding has never been better. 
The Boy King and Jovantae, 1991 Photo: Kanights
What are the challenges of staying sober?
You have to believe that your health is really important and you’re balancing your life out well, you know? Because it’s important to balance. So as a skateboarder I need as much balance as I can get. Drugs and alcohol have no balance! So understanding that, I can stay away a lot easier.
What are the rewards of staying sober?
Focus and determination in life and on the board, including a job that is very healthy. I work at Nixon/DC in Carlsbad, CA, which is super cool! Staying strong and feeling good. Besides, the friends and family and teammates understand and love you better this way. It’s a true blessing from God.
What advice would you give someone who wants to quit?
If you want to live life to the fullest and feel the Earth around you and see yourself as a natural, normal human it’s the way to go. You can feel it. You stay healthy, you eat well, you exercise normally—whatever activity you love, it’s just as exciting as when you first started, but every day! All we have is a clean mind, clean body and soul and the rest is history. A normal, smart life, you definitely will feel smarter. And one more thing to remember—Plan B Skateboards rules. Thanks to all my sponsors—Etnies, Independent, XYZ Clothing, Elenex brand, Nixon, Bones wheels and bearings, Grizzly Grip, Diamond Supply Co and Plan B skateboards. 
Photo: Sherbert
How did you become a user of drugs and/or alcohol?
I started drinking in my early teens like most do, just experimenting. Then from there it was weed, acid and whatnot.
When did you realize you had a problem?
I look back now and can see I had issues long before realizing that I had a problem. Like I just thought it was normal to drink to blackout every time I drank and to smoke weed all day everyday and take whatever drug was passed my way. But it was all new and there were no real consequences I was facing, it was still fun. I think it was in my early 20s that I started to realize that things had progressed and I was often paying the consequences of my partying, like people/friends not wanting to be around me when I started drinking, fighting, waking up beat up, getting arrested, waking up in jail not remembering even getting arrested, DUI, a drunken car wreck, etc. Not being able to stop and doing the same lame shit over and over regardless of knowing the likely outcome. Then the consistency of needing harder drugs on the regular came into the picture. From there the drugs progressed to full-time crack addiction and just getting high on my own all day, like just getting high for days on end, not skating, not wanting to be around anyone that wasn’t on the same program. So it’s not just one day you’re, like, I have a problem. I knew full well I had an addiction problem long before thinking I gotta get clean.
How bad did it get? What was the breaking point that made you decide it was time to stop/get help?
It just became the daily life of getting high or figuring out how I was going to score. I stayed on that program for about four years. And then you’ve got all the shit that goes on in between. When your sitting in crack motels, getting high, running around skid row with people that have been doing that shit for 20 years you see a lot of sad shit. I remember having a moment one time in one of these places seeing what was going on around me and couldn’t believe how shitty and far down my life had become and these types of scenes were regular occurrences over the years. I was lucky to have a couple moments of clarity ‘cause that grimy lifestyle becomes an addiction in itself. But really, man, it just became such a mental and emotional bottom that was the nightmare for me. I was really lucky that my bottom with drugs and alcohol didn’t have the end results that usually come with that life. I’ve had friends and a family member lose their life over this shit. I watched my father go in and out of prison most of my life growing up, all due to drugs and alcohol. So I’m really grateful that wasn’t my destiny. ‘Cause I was getting really close to all that shit. I really believe something was watching over me. Getting sober didn’t work for me like that. There wasn’t a breaking point. Really, I look at it more like at 26 I started to back outta the woods of alcohol and drugs. I was lucky that I didn’t lose all my sponsors. I still had something to look forward to, and people that believed in me and I was really tired of the life I was living. And I fucking missed skating. So I started going to a program to get sober and started skating a lot again. But there were relapses from 26-30 years old. I just started getting stretches of time sober and certainly when you stop for periods of time and get back to life with periods of abstinence from drugs and alcohol some things naturally get better. So it was at 30 that I truly asked for help. It was an emotional, spiritual bottom along with being on a trip and a friend and teammate tragically passing away. That’s when I decided to finally take the advice of people who were in some of the programs I was attending here and there. ‘Cause I truly started to discover that drug and alcohol use was just a symptom of my problem. I was miserable, just not drinking. I had deeper issues that I finally needed to face and truly work on.
Gap to crooks, over the gate. From misery to SOTY, AVE always puts in the work Photo: Sherbert
How did you get sober?
I went to a program that most alcoholics, if they’re lucky, find themselves in. Reached out to a few people who had been around for a while and asked them what I need to do to truly get sober. Then I got to work. I did everything they told me, no matter what it was. I showed up even when I didn’t want to. I cleaned house the best I could with the tools they gave me, ‘cause I had to actually see if it would work. Before that point I had half-assed gotten clean. And life, in my head, sucked sober or drunk, so I did what they said and I started to learn a lot about a new way of living and thinking, and things gradually got better and I’ve stayed sober since. I’ll have 11 years clean in September this year.
What are the challenges of staying sober?
I think the challenges are that it’s ongoing maintenance. Just ‘cause I don’t drink doesn’t means that it’s problem solved. I’ve been through enough with this shit to know that alcoholism is in me; it’s a way of thinking and acting. If I don’t stay on it and continue to maintain, I easily fall victim to depression, ungratefulness, anger, anxiety—basically any negative head job that’s out there. Then I start to live my life from that baseline and my perspective gets bad. I’ve dealt with many periods like that in sobriety. If it goes on long enough and you don’t reach out for help you’ll probably have a drink and there’s no telling where or when that ends. Or just end it. Sober people take there own lives all the time. This shit really ain’t no joke, but I’ve been fortunate to get back to what has worked for 11 years and I stay with it.
What are the rewards of staying sober?
Fuck, man, it’s endless really. If someone would have told me at 24 when I had been up for days getting high in some fucked drug den what the next 14 years would look like if I got sober, I would have said bullshit! It’s all been a gift from the program, the people in it and God. That’s not to say life is always easy, but you get the tools you need to deal with it as it comes, good and bad.
What advice would you give to someone who wants to quit?
Reach out to someone. There’s a lot of good people out there that want to help. Find a program, ask someone whose had a similar experience and has put their life back together. Ask ‘em for help if you like what they have to offer. Take their direction. Oh, and do the shit you don’t want to do.